Tuesday, April 30, 2002
i think i must be boring. or unmemorable. or obnoxious. or frightening. or suffocating. or uninteresting. or something. maybe all of them.
nobody wants to make any effort on their own to say anything worth saying to me.
maybe some people do. just not the people i want to hear from.
maybe i'll kill myself to spite you all.
ha!
[as if that were a remote possibility]
[besides, that would be -way- too much like a depressed high school girl whose boyfriend dumped her]
7:58 PM
i am lonely.
8:13 AM
Monday, April 29, 2002
the general public does not appreciate godspeed you black emperor!
ah well...
11:07 AM
Saturday, April 27, 2002
let there be no confusion
figured i ought to make a statement of what i believe--and i do not apologize for this. i'm not a master-writer. this is only a journal. it's a way to remind me of what i believe and a way for anyone who cares to know what i believe [and this therefore helps one understand a greater context in which this journal was/is written].
1) There are universal moral standards.
everyone believes in moral standards, whether they admit it or not. if you were on a crowded subway with crutches about to sit down, and i shoved you away so that you fell and severely increased your injury, the least of what you might mutter is "that's not fair." you therefore believe there is a standard of what is fair, or just. i believe that is not arguable.
also
in every culture there are things that are right and wrong. there are a lot of standards that end up being very similar. marriage for example. sure there are different ideas on how many it's ok to marry, but most cultures have some form of commitment. random killings are also generally deemed unacceptable. no one thinks it's cool to be taken advantage of. there's so many endless examples of this.
why would such morals exist, and why would people expect other people to know they exist?
a slightly more logical way of looking at it...
people believe certain things are acceptable and other things aren't. period. maybe they disagree on -what- is acceptable, but that only reinforces the fact that they do believe -some- things are and are not acceptable. as there undeniably are absolute truths [even "no truth is absolute" is an absolute truth!], all of these standards cannot be true. 2 contradictory ideas cannot be true at the same time.
in conclusion:
there -must- be some standards that hold true for all people.
2) these standards were created by God
even if evolution were true [which i believe is -scientifically- impossible, but that's nother story], there would really be no evolutionary advantage to having morals, especially ones like commitment. i mean, evolution is all about "survival of the fittest." you aren't more likely to survive if you have to marry. why wouldn't you just get some when you could? and why not kill anyone who gets in your way?
i'm getting off track here...
the point is, where did this universal standard -come- from? certainly not society. when a little girl sees her dad abuse her mom she thinks it's bad, not because of whatever "let's be friends" tape she might have heard, and not because she watches Lifetime: Television for Women, but because she can see it's bad. She just knows that. it's innate. it's built-in.
built-in?
yeah, that means she had to of been built--or created. yes, by a Creator.
so where did these standards come from?
God.
3) no one holds to these standards perfectly.
pretty clear. i mean, you've felt guilty for -something- at -some- point. maybe you want to live life with no regrets or whatever, but you can't honestly say you've -never- done something wrong.
despite what our culture would have us believe,
4) there are consequences for screwing up
Why would God [I think that's been established so far] make these rules if He didn't intend for people to keep them?
5)God inspired some people to write the specifics down
If God made these rules and expected people to keep them, wouldn't he have made it clear exactly what they were/are?
So that's where "religion" comes in. There's lots of those. How do you know there is one true one? Why not say "Many paths; one mountain." ?
Well, despite superficial similarities, all religions are -not- the same. Period. There are similarities in the kinds of rules they set up sometimes; they may have similar rituals and dogmas even. The foundations, though, are totally different. The important thing though is that Christianity seriously differs from any other religion because rather than being based upon "do good works and get to Heaven/Paradise/Nirvana/[fill in word for ultimate happiness]," it is based on the fact that you can't do any good works to cover up for your bad ones, so instead of trying to get to God, He comes to you. You don't pay off Karma. It's not about what you can do, it's about what He did. You can't get there on your own, so you depend on God's Grace.
6)there is a way out
God didn't just give up, but He couldn't just be like "eh, everybody gets in," either. Throghout Jewish history, people made sacrifices of animals and such in order to atone for their sins--in order to get to God. In Jewish history there is also the promise of a Messiah--a Savior. Christ was that Messiah. He fulfilled all of the prophecies. By Christ living a perfect life, dying, and then conquering death through the ressurection, He gave us the opportunity to, by merely -accepting- Christ as Lord, have all our sins atoned for. We get to God through christ our mediator.
In conclusion:
There are absolute rules which must have been made by a God.
Nobody keeps these rules perfectly.
Christ acts as a sacrifice to atone for our screw-ups.
That's the basics anyway.
[if for whatever reason you want to ask me about this or tell me i'm wrong or whatever, email me]
7:24 PM
Friday, April 26, 2002
my apologies
sorry to anyone who read what was previously posted here. it was bitter and sarcastic. sure, i felt that way, but i shouldn't let my emotions get the better of me like that. i forgive everyone i was ranting against, and i hope whoever read that forgives me. hope no one was offended [if i'm going to offend someone, it ought to be with something better than that].
11:43 PM
Thursday, April 25, 2002
no more airplanes
10:29 AM
The Appleseed Cast: Tour with Mates of State starts May 23!!!!!!!
Mates of State are fun...
12:01 AM
www.deepelm.com
pull-down menu
video
appleseed cast - steps and numbers
12:00 AM
Friday, April 12, 2002
[don't take that wrong, i do not believe everyone is the same entirely [like Emerson], or that everyone is inherently good [like Anne Frank]. inherently beautiful, yes. inherently good in the sense that beauty is good, yes. inherently everyone wants to do good things, no and yes. but that's for another time]
2:42 AM
people are so beautiful. i guess that's why i need them so much. i wish i was more independent, but i could never be alone for very long. certainly i can delve into thought, music, and entertainment on my own, but i yearn for interactions, relationships, connections, reminders of life, reminders of beauty, reminders of brotherhood. the world is so corrupt, but people are so amazing. and stupid. though deep down we all yearn for the same things. we all want to be loved. trite but true. we all want to mean something. oh, how alike we all are in so many ways.
2:39 AM
Friday, April 05, 2002
http://www.cstrecords.com/html/manifesto.html
constellation records gets an A+ for sincerity, honesty, intelligence, and attempting to fight corporations in so many ways. bravo.
2:36 AM
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