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Faced with the unutterable, words still disintigrate...
And ever new, out of the most quivering stones, music builds her divine house in useless space.
-Rilke
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I am moody.
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[I am not very good at html]
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sometimes i wish... [a blog]
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Wednesday, May 08, 2002
end of an era
ok, so Spurrier is always talking about jimmy eat world's "self-titled" [bleed american with one more song, not their debut].
so i get sick of it and let her rip Clarity onto her ibook so she can see how much better that is.
then she talks about Sweetness (off the new cd) and how great it is.
so i get fed up and make a mix of "old school" J.E.W. including the original sweetness, the original cautioners, a bunch of Static Prevails, a couple singles, No Sensitivity, even one off the real self-titled debut [Wednesday if you must know].
she totally digs it and definitely likes the original songs better than the crappy new versions.
now i feel all weird.
like i just gave my past away.
what's weirder is that tonight, i went over to practice a song we're doing for Baccaloriate [Lead of Love - Caedmon's Call] and after we finish practicing I play JEW and Dashboard for her. She sings along. It totally wigs me out because it's not like i learned these songs recently. i learned them back when i was all "into" JEW and Dash. Every time i played the songs for people i was playing something neat that they'd never heard... or people would say "play something i know!!!!" and get annoyed. it was a rare and special occurence to meet someone who knew them [usually it would happen at christian camps... like me, alot of christians get into "christian music" and then realize there is non-mainstream music that is good and they get into it]. now, i am playing stuff by bands that are on the radio. mainstream stuff. stuff alot of people probably know.
it wigs me out.
i mean, it's not that any of these facts are frighteningly new... it's not even that i listen to those bands much anymore... it's just that i feel gyped. when a song that used to be extremely special and intimate to me gets all big... and suddenly everybody knows it... it loses that special intimate feeling... it becomes another pop song... another hook... it's like my musical past, which to me was at the time thrilling and new, is now turned into ordinary catchy mainstream hooks... like a part of my individuality has even been taken away... worse i feel i have no proof that it was my past... never really made it to their shows.. didn't realize it would be a big deal later... oh well.
10:27 PM
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